you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
