I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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