it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
