Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
