god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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