distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
