how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
