My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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