Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
