Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
