even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
