I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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