Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
