The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
