Don't make out with my wife yet
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
