Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
