But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
