'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
