we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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