He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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