i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
