In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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