i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize