I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize