I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
