Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
