dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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