mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
