May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
