Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
