It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
