im six kinds of drunk right now
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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