how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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