I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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