I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize