real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize