what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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