anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
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at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize