In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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