Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
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Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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