is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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