So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
