get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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