Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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