That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
