And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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