i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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