I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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