no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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