tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
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he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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