honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
