I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize