I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He better not be in your backpack
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
do nipples grow back?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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