We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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