I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
