she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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