I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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