Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
