Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
