I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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