I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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