i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
