yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
