Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
