Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
