so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
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Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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